Well, I guess I dont really know what I really want anymore, since everything is getting harder and harder, day by day. IT KILLS!
I was excited about applying for PR only when I found out that I needed to work in my related field for at least 2 years to be grated the real PR after the TR. I needed this proof if I ever wanted to renew my PR after it expires in 5 years.
I was just thinking of getting outside my related field after the PR thing (If I ever have a chance in getting it).... sigh, I was wrong... I can never do it... I needed to do 2 years of science related stuff... luckily not with pharmacology because being a pharmacologist needs more than an honors... and since I have no money to pursue honors... well...
yeah... so that is it... no wonder... maybe it is fated really.... that I had to pursue this until... that age comes when I pursue something totally different...
I just have to wait huh?
Haih... can't concentrate for my last and final paper ever.
I'm depressed... yes, its all coming back again.
I feel very useless..
who in the world actually feels what I am feeling? I'm carrying a burden really..
Now, I'm not excited about the surprises that life offers ahead... I'm not excited about PR...
I feel dead...
Why is life extremely hard for me? I cannot describe it but I know no one else feels quite the same.. maybe close but not the same.
The problem with me, I cannot get out what I feel because other people don't want to listen to what I have inside me, what I feel, what negative truth it holds... therefore, I cannot talk to anyone about it... I tried... but I failed..
I'm young I know, but life is tough, it only gets tougher at this age forward...